Understanding Self-Harm
Understanding Self-Harm: Breaking the Silence During Self-Harm Awareness Month
Edited by Carly Wolfram, LCPC, PhD Candidate
March is Self-Harm Awareness Month, a time dedicated to increasing understanding around a topic that is often surrounded by stigma, silence, and misunderstanding. Non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) is not discussed nearly as often as it should be. Cultural beliefs, fear of encouraging the behavior, and deep stigma often prevent open conversations from happening.
Yet self-harm is more common than many people realize. Research suggests that approximately 5% of adults, 17% of adolescents, and between 17–35% of college students engage in some form of self-harm (Mental Health America, n.d.). These numbers highlight how many individuals are quietly struggling, often without feeling safe enough to talk about it.
Bringing awareness to self-harm is not about normalizing the behavior—it is about reducing shame and helping people understand that support and healing are possible.
What Self-Harm Actually Is
Self-harm refers to any act someone intentionally does to cause harm to their own body without the intent of suicide. One of the most commonly recognized forms is cutting the skin, but self-harm can appear in many different ways.
Some individuals may engage in behaviors such as hitting themselves, scratching or pinching their skin, burning the skin, pulling out hair, or ingesting substances not meant for human consumption. While some forms leave visible marks on the body, others may not show obvious physical evidence.
Because of this, self-harm can remain hidden for long periods of time.
The Biggest Misconception About Self-Harm
One of the most harmful myths about self-harm is the belief that people engage in it for attention.
In reality, most individuals who self-harm go to great lengths to hide it.
For many, self-harm is an attempt to cope with overwhelming emotions, intrusive thoughts, or distress that feels impossible to manage in other ways. When someone turns to self-harm, it is often because other coping strategies have not provided relief.
The behavior becomes a way to survive intense emotional experiences when a person feels they have run out of options.
Why People Turn to Self-Harm
People engage in self-harm for many different reasons. While every individual’s story is unique, the behavior often serves a psychological purpose in the moment.
Self-harm may be used to:
Distract from overwhelming emotions
Turn confusing or intangible feelings into something physical
Punish oneself for perceived mistakes or guilt
Replace emotional pain with physical pain
Calm racing thoughts or emotional overwhelm
Interrupt feelings of dissociation or numbness
For some individuals, the physical sensation helps them feel grounded or present when they otherwise feel disconnected from themselves.
While the relief may be real in the moment, it is typically short-lived.
The Cycle of Self-Harm
One of the challenges with self-harm is that it can quickly become a cycle.
When someone experiences distress, they may turn to self-harm because it provides temporary emotional relief. However, the behavior does not address the deeper emotions, thoughts, or situations causing the distress in the first place.
Over time, the brain begins to associate self-harm with relief. When distress returns, the urge to engage in the behavior can become stronger and more automatic.
Without alternative coping tools, individuals can find themselves repeating the same pattern whenever intense emotions arise.
Self-Destructive Behaviors Can Be Related
Self-harm can also exist alongside self-destructive behaviors, which may not always be recognized as forms of harm toward oneself.
These behaviors can include things like excessive drug or alcohol use, not taking prescribed medications as directed, driving under the influence, engaging in risky sexual behavior, or repeatedly placing oneself in dangerous situations.
While these behaviors may look different from self-injury, they often stem from similar underlying struggles with emotional pain, trauma, or distress.
Both self-harm and self-destructive behaviors signal that someone is trying to cope with something deeply difficult.
The Hidden Impact of Self-Harm
The impact of self-harm often extends beyond the behavior itself.
For example, someone who self-harms by cutting their skin may avoid situations where their scars could be noticed, such as going to the beach or wearing short sleeves in warm weather. Others may attend these events but feel constant anxiety about whether someone will see the marks on their body.
Similarly, individuals who engage in self-destructive behaviors may struggle with shame, which can affect their relationships. Some people withdraw from others to avoid being exposed, while others find themselves repeatedly explaining or defending their behavior.
Over time, these patterns can create isolation, secrecy, and emotional distance from others.
When Behaviors Start to Feel “Normal”
One of the most difficult parts of long-term coping behaviors is that they can begin to feel normal.
When someone has relied on self-harm or self-destructive behaviors for a long time, they may start to see those patterns as simply “part of who they are.” It may feel impossible to imagine responding to distress any other way.
But patterns that feel permanent are often learned responses, not fixed traits.
And learned responses can change.
Learning New Ways to Cope
Recovery from self-harm often involves developing new skills for managing distress.
One of the most important skills is distress tolerance—the ability to experience intense emotional pain or overwhelming situations without resorting to harmful behaviors.
Learning distress tolerance skills helps individuals sit with difficult emotions, regulate their nervous system, and respond to challenges in healthier ways. These skills do not erase emotional pain, but they provide new options for navigating it.
Over time, people can build a toolkit of coping strategies that help interrupt the cycle of self-harm.
Healing Is Possible
Self-harm does not mean someone is broken, manipulative, or beyond help. It means they have been carrying emotional pain that deserves understanding and care.
At Prospering Minds Counseling, individuals can explore the reasons behind self-harm or self-destructive behaviors in a supportive and nonjudgmental space. Therapy can help people develop healthier coping strategies, understand the emotional patterns driving their behavior, and begin healing from the experiences or trauma that contributed to it.
Change is possible.
And sometimes the first step toward that change is simply talking about something that has been held in silence for too long.
If you or someone you love is struggling with self-harm, support is available—and you do not have to face it alone.
If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room. You can also contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by dialing or texting 988.
References:
Mental Health America. (n.d.). Self-injury (cutting, self-harm or self-mutilation). https://mhanational.org/conditions/self-injury-cutting-self-harm-or-self-mutilation/
